An Indie Game Designer’s Journal: Part 2 Sacrifice August 31, 2010

A sacrifice was made on my behalf, during my youth I have been obsessed with creating my own games and learning why other games were good. I have been so obsessed with understanding great games, that I chose to purchase and play new games, over getting a job. Many people criticize this and say that i was lazy and just played games all day, that may be true, but in my heart i know that i did it to learn, not just for entertainment. Every game I played I learned from, and can use that game’s failures and successes to my advantage. When I was accepted into my bachelor course I thought it had all paid off. I had found a bachelor program that covered 3D modeling, Traditional Art, Design, Web Design, Flash Animation and Programming, Video Editing and Effects, Story Writing for Games and last but not least, Game Design. I completed the three year course and received excellent grades, won a trip to EA Dice, and won Best Concept at the Norwegian Game Awards. Things were going my way for a while, in fact, I even managed to participate at the university as an assistant teacher.

Now that I am out of university, my bachelor diploma in hand, it was time to put the rest of my dreams in motion. I sat down with the rest of the team that developed the wining concept document for NGA and we decided to continue the game, we were to form a company and work in cooperation with Tumbleweed Interactive. This collaboration project would prove very fruitful for us, we would have control over how the game turned out, and we would provide the graphics, while TWI would provide their contacts and network, and one of their programmers to code the game. Things were moving forward.
However even though we had our company, and a game in production, we had no money so live off. It was quite obvious that we couldn’t work full time on our game without getting side jobs or selling it to the devil. So applied for support from the Norwegian Film Fond and received a load of support, most of which went to product licenses, hardware and out sourcing. But still, the ever huge threat of living a poor (money wise) life loomed over my shoulders.

My sacrifice? well as I stated in part 1, it hadn’t paid off. Sure, I am a good 3D modeler and a good designer, but who knows of this? Portfolios are good, but what about experience? Living where I do, there are no game companies that hire newly grads and this proves a huge problem. I may have the skills required, but with no actual work experience gaming companies have little interest in me. I had sacrificed working as a teenager so that I could better my future career, I was hoping it would be a tough journey, but that my bachelor grades would speak for me and that my sacrifice would pay off. Sadly it didn’t, and now I am stuck, still trying to get a job even remotely related to game development, all while trying to juggle in work on my companies game, and improving my portfolio.

An Indie Game Designer’s Journal: Part 1 Origins October 24, 2009

suicide, most often called “the easy way out”
why? well, because it puts an end to all troubles, it is easy, and reasonably painless… well, depending on the method used that is.
But it is looked down upon as an easy way due to what happens after. Sure it is an easy way out for the person performing it, but the others who witness it however, it is no easy way. People who care for you, people who know you, they all suffer greatly for the loss. No matter how troubled you may be, choosing the “easy way out” may end all your troubles, but it will only give more problems to your friends.

I have thought of suicide a couple of times I admit. I am not afraid to admit that, after all, we all have our problems in life, so it is only natural to consider an easy end at least once. However I am to caring to those around me, my girlfriend, by best friend, my family. What problems would they receive if they lost me?
No, I will not cheat, I will not take the easy route. There is no point. Sure my problems will disappear, but so will my dreams and my future.

What am I lamenting about you ask? Well my life of course. I am a Game Designer, 3D modeler and storyteller. My mind works in a philosophical manner, where I often think of the meaning of things in as abstract way as possible. Again, why am I lamenting… well in games, players often try out certain tactics, and when they discover that they don’t work, players just reset or reload the game. Well in real life there is no reset button, and to put things short my tactic of life didn’t quite turn out the way i was hoping.

I have dedicated my life to the sole purpose of studying how great games are made. My early years I played many games and learned from them. As I grew older and games started to gain more advanced graphics, I became more and more interested in editing games. I still remember the first game I “hacked” where the graphics. This was the path I had chosen, from the first game I ever played to this day today, I have dedicated my life to studying game design and graphics. What makes a game tick, what impresses its audience, and what makes them come back for more.
As time flew by I chose to prioritize my dreams and future career, and studied Arts and Crafts, then later Advertisement and Design, then finally came my bachelor course.

Now going slightly away from my gruesome introduction, I will begin Part 2 with more to the point information, I will rant more about my bachelor education and the choices I have made in life, and explain where my tactic went wrong.

PS. This is not an “emo” post whining about how my life is worthless. This is me ranting about my life, both failures and successes. I will cover several aspects of game development, from an Indie point of view. Hopefully this “journal” will provide insight and may help future game developers.